And Babies Makes Six
by paws-bells
Summary: Oh no. This was the reason why Sanzo wanted nothing to do with this. Can he start shooting people now?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** And Babies Makes Six

**Author: **paws-bells

**Genre: **Humor/General

**Word Count:** 2798

**Type: **Multi-Chapter (InComplete)

**Rating: **T (Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes)

**Summary: **Oh no. _This_ was the reason why Sanzo wanted nothing to do with this. Can he start shooting people now?

**Disclaimer:** Saiyuki and all its characters are not mine. They belongto Kazuya Minekura.

**Chapter Last Revised on: **07/11/07

**

* * *

Chapter 1

* * *

**

It all started the usual way...

"Ne, Saaaannnnnnzzzzzooooooooo, HARAHETTA!"

"You are always hungry, baka saru. When are you not?"

"You shut up! Ero kappa!"

"Oi, who are you calling ero kappa!"

"Who else? E-R-O K-A-P-P-A!"

"Kono baka saru!"

"I am not a monkey!"

"Then you are stupid? Ho, the monkey finally admits it!"

"Maa, maa, let's get along, shall we? We should be reaching the town in a few minutes time."

Fortunately, Hakkai managed to curb the quarrel this time before Sanzo decided to intervene.

A few minutes passed in silence. Then...

"Ne, Saaaannnnnnzzzzzooooooooo, HARAHETTA!"

Genjo Sanzo, the 31st protector of the Maten Kyomen, gritted his teeth in annoyance. A very familiar vein pop appeared on his left forehead. He itched to use the paper fan on the head of a certain monkey but forced himself to meditate instead. After all, this was only the fifth time that Goku announced his hunger. The paper fan was usually applied after Goku's tenth or so declaration.

"I'm hungry-"

'Six.'

"I'm hungry-"

'Seven.'

"I'm hungry-"

'Eight.' Sanzo prepared to reach for his fan.

"I'm hungry...WHAT!"

Goku glared at Gojyo.

"Why you redheaded gokiburi!" His golden eyes flashed dangerously. "Why did you kick me for!"

"You are irritating me," came the short reply. "Who cares whether you are hungry or not. And don't call me a cockroach."

"Heh...but you are one, complete with antennas too."

"Kono..."

Sanzo had enough. Nine declarations of hunger are as near as ten anyway. Maybe he ought to shorten that list to five times instead.

"URUSAI!"

Goku and Gojyo spent the next three minutes frantically dodging bullets left and right.

"Hey, watch where you point that thing, you corrupt monk!"

"Hakkai TASUKETE!"

Hakkai feigned ignorance and with a gentle smile he continued driving, heedless of the racket behind him. His smile faltered suddenly. Hey, is that...

Sanzo kept the shourejyu when he ran out of bullets and whipped out his paper fan. He was about to start whacking the thick heads of Goku and Gojyo when Hakuryuu screeched to a halt. And since Sanzo happened to be the only one standing, Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo's eyes widened as they watched their resident monk sail out of Hakuryuu and land headfirst into a roadside bush. All three winced collectively.

"Sanzo! Daijoubu ka!" Hakkai asked anxiously.

There was a long silence.

Then the long string of curses literally flew out from the bush. Hakkai sweatdropped. He did not know that a person could do what Sanzo had described to a chicken.

Goku and Gojyo laughed and leaned against each other for support, their earlier quarrel forgotten. The look on Sanzo's face when he took flight was hilarious. The pair laughed harder. Relieved that Sanzo was all right, Hakkai got off Hakuryuu to check out the reason that he had stopped.

"Anou...daijoubu ka? Did Hakuryuu hit you just now?" The brunette asked the hooded figure who was sprawled on the floor. Before he could offer his help, the person had already picked himself up.

"Hai, daijoubu."

By now, Sanzo had managed to unstick himself from the bush and was looking rather murderous. Picking up the fan that was lying some distance away from him, he turned and stormed towards the laughing idiots.

::WHACK:: "SHI NE!" ::WHACK::WHACK::WHACK::WHACK::WHACK::

"Ittttttaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..."

Hakkai sweatdropped. He turned to the person beside him.

"Do you need help?"

"Hai, I do." The voice was polite and crisp. "I need..."

"KAI!"

Sanzo, Goku and Gojyo promptly stopped what they were doing. Hakkai turned towards the direction of the sound. Everyone watched as a blur of white made its way towards them. It was about to reach Hakkai and the hooded figure when it tripped. The 'blur' bounced the remaining distance to land at Hakkai's feet.

"Itai..."

The figure named Kai gave a sigh of exasperation.

"What is it, Saki?"

Gojyo, Goku and Sanzo stared at the heap in front of Hakkai.

"Is that an old woman?" Goku asked.

The redhead shrugged.

"Wakarinai. She sure as hell doesn't act like one."

Sanzo kept silent. The woman with long white-hair was still on the ground, and he had not seen her face yet.

Saki picked herself up and went to stand beside Kai. It was then that they saw her face.

Gojyo whistled soundlessly between his teeth. This Saki was not old after all. The petite girl was downright beautiful. Exotic forest green eyes that contrasted with all that pristine white hair, high cheekbones, an elegant nose and rosebud mouth.

"Wow..." Goku breathed. "She is not an old woman."

Sanzo thwapped him with his fan.

Hakkai watched as this Saki girl whispered fiercely to Kai. Then Kai whispered back, and it was quite a while before they agreed on whatever topic that they were discussing.

"As I said earlier, I need your help."

Sanzo and the others came over.

"I am sure that whatever you need, I will be able to provide." Gojyo crooned seductively to an otherwise unresponsive Saki.

Sanzo decked him with the fan.

"Stop that." The monk hissed. "We do not need this."

"Sure you do not need it. You are a monk, I am not." Gojyo muttered, fingering his head.

Sanzo muttered unintelligibly under his breath.

The hooded figure made a sound.

"I presume that you are a monk? A man of God?"

Sanzo nodded and at the same time he took out his packet of cigarettes, pulled out a stick and lit it with his lighter all in one smooth motion.

"Talk."

Saki stared. "You smoke?"

The blonde gave a shrug.

The white-haired girl then turned to Kai and pulled the figure aside.

"He smokes. A smoking monk. Maybe this isn't a good idea." The Sanzo-ikkou heard everything.

"I don't care what he does. He can have three wives, twelve kids, two dogs and a goldfish for all I care." Sanzo choked on a lungful of smoke. Goku sputtered and Gojyo laughed outright. Hakkai concealed a smile.

"They have a mode of transport and that is enough for me." Saki opened her mouth to argue further, but Kai interrupted. "Case closed."

Saki sighed and gave up.

"Sumimasen, but I believe that you are about to ask for our help?" Hakkai enquired when the two evidently finished their discussion.

"Yes, I believe that you are traveling west? All vehicles that are going along this road are heading west."

Hakkai nodded.

"Hai."

"I have a package that needs to be delivered west as urgently as possible but I have no mode of transport except for my own two feet. As an apology for knocking me down, can you please deliver it for me?"

Goku, Gojyo, and Hakkai were nodding in agreement, but Sanzo kept quiet. Something didn't smell quite right.

"What is inside the package?"

'This man is very sharp.' Saki noted.

"You will see it when we pass it to you." Kai answered smoothly. Sanzo looked skeptical.

"Anou...are you guys going to stay in this town for the night?"

"Hai."

"We shall show you to an inn then."

"If it isn't too difficult for you." Hakkai said politely. Hakuryuu transformed into dragon form in a flash of light, much to Saki's surprise. The Sanzo-ikkou were equally stunned when Hakuryuu, instead of flying and landing at Hakkai's shoulder, flew towards Kai and chirped to the person. Kai raised a hand to stroke the dragon before gesturing for it to return to its owner.

The group of seven, Hakuryuu included, walked into town.

* * *

"This is the place."

The Sanzo party saw a quaint little building.

"Is this it?"

Saki nodded.

Sanzo entered the building with no hesitation whatsoever. This place would have to suffice. He did not feel like looking for an alternative place to stay in. After all, he had stayed in worst places. Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai followed behind him. The group checked into a room with no difficulty whatsoever. Then they went to the inn's kitchen to fulfill Goku's favorite hobby: eating.

After two hours and three delicious full-course meals later (argument over the last dumpling included), fatigue was rapidly setting in for the group. Gojyo and Goku were already slumped over the table, fast asleep. Hakkai was drooping off, and Sanzo was desperately fighting the darkness that was gathering at the edges of his vision.

'It can't be that coincidental that all of us are tired at the same time...unless...MASAKA...the food..."

Violet eyes widened but it was too late. Saki came into the kitchen then, and there was an apologetic look on her face.

"Bitch..." Sanzo bit out. "You drugged..."

The drugs took full effect at long last and Sanzo felt his eyelids drooping. The last thing that he heard was a softly murmured apology.

* * *

The morning light shone brightly on Goku's face.

"Nanda?" He murmured and cracked opened a lazy eye. The sun was already high up in the air.

'This means that it is already...AFTERNOON!'

Goku sprang out of the bed that he was sleeping on. What happened? Sanzo never allowed them to sleep past morning! Did they leave him behind? Anxious, the monkey looked around. To his surprise and relief, the others were still fast asleep on their respective beds.

'What is wrong with them?' The golden-eyed teenager proceeded to awaken his companions.

* * *

Half an hour later...

The room was grimly silent. Sanzo had just finished explaining what had happened last night.

"I think that you are losing it, bozou." Gojyo said at last.

Hakkai nodded in agreement.

"I hate to admit it, but I agree with Gojyo. If this Saki wanted to kill us all, we wouldn't have awakened this morning."

"Then how do you explain that we awoke so late today?" Sanzo bit out, utterly frustrated.

"Maybe we were really tired," Goku ventured, coming out with a logical answer for once.

Hakkai nodded again.

"That is true; we have been sleeping on the road for the past five days."

"Well, even if the woman did drug us," Gojyo stretched. "I am glad. That was a wonderful sleep."

Hakkai nodded, and this time Sanzo snapped.

"Can you quit agreeing and nodding with everything idiot number one and idiot number two says? You are starting to resemble those fucking dolls who have fucking bobbing heads!"

Hakkai sweatdropped and was about to nod his head again when he caught himself.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Sanzo took out the shourejyu whereas Goku and Gojyo remained in a deceptively relaxed position.

Hakkai opened the door.

"Yes?" He asked politely.

"I believe that you were waiting to receive this package?"

Hakkai sweatdropped at the enormous box sitting in front of him.

"Anou...hai," he said at last. They did promise Kai. However, he sensed something weird within the box. Shaking his head, he decided that he must be still woozy from sleep and that his senses were not working right.

"Here it is then." The man delivering the box disappeared.

With some difficulty, Hakkai carted the box in.

The other three looked on with incredulity.

"This is the package?" Goku asked, wide-eyed. He poked at the box experimentally.

"How on earth are we going to put that in Hakuryuu?"

Sanzo shrugged.

"The three of you were the ones who agreed to help. You figure this out yourself." Sanzo smirked. "Maybe the box can replace the two of you in the backseat, and you two can walk to the west."

Gojyo scowled.

"Not funny, bozou."

"Anou, minna," Hakkai ventured softly. "I think that seating will be the least that we have to be worried about if my senses about what is inside the box are correct."

The other three stiffened.

"What do you mean?" Sanzo asked in a dangerously soft voice.

Sighing, Hakkai approached the box. He sincerely hoped that his hundred percent accurate ki-sensing powers are wrong this time. Hesitantly, he opened the flaps of the box and stared into it.

He blinked once.

Twice.

He rubbed his eyes.

And continued staring.

Two minutes passed.

"So, what is inside?" Goku asked inquisitively.

Hakkai turned his attention back to his comrades, and there was a dazed look in his eyes.

"See for yourselves."

He retreated from the box.

"Che."

Sanzo stood up and strode confidently to the box. He did not look into its contents. Instead he stared at Goku and Gojyo and with a raised eyebrow, he enquired.

"Well, are you coming?" he said snappishly. "Or are you both just too scared?"

That settled it.

Gojyo and Goku were up and beside Sanzo in a flash. They were about to argue and yell at the corrupt monk when their mouths were abruptly covered by Hakkai.

"Don't make the noise that you will regret later," the brunette said wisely. "Look into the box first."

Grumbling under their breaths, the trio stared curiously into the box.

Twin pairs of violet eyes stared back at them.

* * *

"Kawaii chibis." Goku grinned.

Sanzo and Gojyo turned to look at the monkey with horror in their eyes.

"Kawaii?" Gojyo whispered hoarsely. "Do you know that we have to bring those little squirts around with us?"

Goku nodded, and Gojyo smacked his palm against his forehead.

The interior of the box was dark, and all the men saw were violet eyes the exact shade of Sanzo's.

Hakkai brushed Gojyo aside then.

"Maa, maa, we might as well see these little kids properly, now, shall we?"

Sanzo wanted to yell "Fuck no" and tape the opening flaps of the box close and send it back to wherever the hell it came from. However, he knew that it was impossible; it was obvious that Hakkai and Goku were already protective of the children. There and then, he felt a slight headache coming up.

"Me too! I want to carry one too!" Goku followed Hakkai's example with great excitement.

He reached his hand into the box, and then withdrew it just as suddenly at great speed.

"Itai yo! It bit me!"

::Thwap::

"ITAI!" Goku glared at Sanzo. "What was that for!"

"They are not pets. Quit treating them like they are rabbits or something."

Goku stared at his finger where there was a slight tooth indentation on the skin.

"Rabbits don't bite."

Gojyo sweatdropped.

Sanzo lost it then.

"URUSAI! DO YOU WANT ME TO WHACK YOU WITH THE FUCKING FAN AGAIN?!"

Goku reared back with surprise. He retreated a few steps and bumped into Gojyo.

"Hey, watch it."

Hakkai shook his head at all the racket that the trio was making and made a mental note to himself that to try to lower their noise level from now on.

"After all, we must set a good example for you two, ne?" Cautiously, he put his hands into the box and reached blindly until he felt a pair of small shoulders. Griping his hands around them, he was about to hoist the kid up when he heard a tiny whimper.

"Daijoubu," He whispered comfortingly. "Ha-chan will protect you." He lifted the tiny body up.

Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku stopped their yelling the moment they saw the child. They blinked.

"Oi, Sanzo." Gojyo said at last. "Are you really a virgin like we think you are? Course that kid looks like you."

Goku nodded in agreement. The little girl whom Hakkai had lifted up had a mop of enchanting golden hair that reached past her shoulders. She was dressed in a pretty blue dress and looked to be no bigger than three years old.

Sanzo hissed at the redhead and whacked him with his fan.

"Kono kuso baka! Are you saying that every golden-haired child is fathered by me then?"

"Hey, quit waving that stupid fan around! Blond hair is very rare around here, you know? And furthermore," Added Gojyo, still not aware of the fact that he was threading on dangerous territory. "She has your eyes too."

"That doesn't mean that she is mine!"

"Che, your reaction might have led me to believe otherwise."

"Do you want to eat bullets?"

Gojyo shut up.

Goku clambered up to Hakkai who was lowering the little girl on the floor.

"What's her name?"

Hakkai shrugged.

"We will have to ask her. But first," He turned and reached into the box again, effectively blocking the view of the others. "We get the other one out."

Hakkai located the second pair of tiny shoulders with no difficulty and hoisted the child up.

Once he got a good look at the second child, Hakkai felt his eyes widen with surprise.

"Anou...minna-san..."

"What?" The three asked as one, still trying to get use to their newest member.

"I think that we are going to have some sort of identification crisis here."

Hakkai turned and revealed the other child, and Gojyo felt his mouth slide open.

"Shit." Sanzo muttered.

Goku looked from one child to the other.

"Twins?"

_

* * *

::tsuzuku::_

----------

Your reviews fuel my passion for writing. So please leave a comment if you like this fic, thank you.

--paws


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** And Babies Makes Six

**Author: **paws-bells

**Genre: **Humor/General

**Word Count:** 3081

**Type: **Multi-Chapter (InComplete)

**Rating: **T (Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes)

**Summary: **Oh no. _This_ was the reason why Sanzo wanted nothing to do with this. Can he start shooting people now?

**Disclaimer:** Saiyuki and all its characters are not mine. They belongto Kazuya Minekura.

**Chapter Last Revised on: **07/11/07

**

* * *

Chapter 2

* * *

**

"Ne, how do we identify them?" Goku asked Hakkai.

"Let's ask for their names first, shall we?" The brunette answered. He bent down to be eye-level with the twins. Both girls are dressed identically, had the same length of hair, same height, same...everything. They flinched away from a surprised Hakkai.

"What are your names?" He asked the question with his usual smile. Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku watched in silence. The attention of the three adults must have been intimidating as one of the girls whimpered and attempted to hide behind her sister. Hakkai surmised that the other child must be the eldest of the two as she bravely allowed her sibling to hide behind her.

A few minutes passed in silence, and Hakkai gave up.

"They are still shy around us; we will have to wait till they tell us willingly."

Sanzo nodded.

"So..." Goku ventured. "What do we call them for the time being?"

"Simple!" Gojyo crowed. He pointed to one girl. "Sanzo Junior Number One." The redhead pointed to the second child. "Sanzo Junior Number Two. There, done."

Sanzo gritted his teeth and forced himself to count to ten.

'Stay calm, stay calm. There are kids here; I can't kill that stupid cockroach yet. Stay calm...'

Hakkai sweatdropped.

"Anou...Gojyo, that is not very nice..."

"What's not very nice? They look like Sanzo!" The redhead puffed up in indignation. "And furthermore, you said that it is an honor to be a Sanzo."

Sanzo's lost his control then. He whipped out his tessen.

"To hell with the children. I WILL KILL YOU NOW! SHI NE::whack:: You think that ::whack:: it is so easy to ::whack:: be a Sanzo::whack:: If every Tom, Dick and Harry can ::whack:: crown a Sanzo, then ::whack:: I WON'T HAVE TO BE ON THIS ::whack:: FUCKING JOURNEY WITH YOU ::whack:: FUCKING IDIOTS::whack::"

Goku winced. That looked painful.

Hakkai smiled at the girls.

"Daijoubu, they are just...anou...how do I explain this..."

"Just playing!" Goku came to the rescue. Hakkai nodded.

"Hai, they are just playing! There is no need to be scared of them!"

"Playing!" Gojyo glared at the monk. "That bozou almost brained me with his freaking fan! And what was that remark about me being some 'Tom, Dick and Harry'?"

Feeling calmer now, Sanzo leisurely tucked his harisen into the folds of his robes and shrugged at Gojyo's irate question.

"I say what I see. Furthermore, you admitted it yourself; I did not say anything about you."

"Why you corrupt bozou..."

Gojyo was about to say more when they heard the giggles.

As one, the Sanzo-ikkou turned to see the girls. Their earlier wariness around the group slowly subsiding, they were now giggling. Violet eyes alight with laughter; they looked like a pair of adorable angels.

Gojyo looked at the twins suspiciously.

"I think that they have Sanzo's sadistic sense of humor. Who else finds laughter in the suffering of others?"

"Che. You deserved it."

For a moment, Hakkai thought that Gojyo was going to hyperventilate any moment; the redhead was so red in the face. The brunette decided to interfere in case things got too violent.

"Maa maa," Hakkai smiled. "At least they are not afraid of us now."

"Look! There is a letter!" Goku reached into the confines of the box to pull out a piece of folded paper.

"What does it say?" Gojyo recovered from his earlier episode and went to Goku to snatch the letter away from the teenager.

"Hey, I found it first! Not fair!" The golden-eyed boy jumped up and down in an attempt to retrieve the piece of paper.

"Che. What do you mean, 'not fair'? You don't even know how to read. Just leave this to the expert."

Sanzo rolled his eyes.

'Some expert.'

"Ahem. This is what is written on the paper:

Sanzo-ikkou,

The pair of twins whom you have undoubtedly found by now had been rescued from a group of youkai a few days ago. Before the demons were killed, they were 'persuaded' to reveal that they had stolen the children from somewhere up west. As we really do not have the facilities to travel to the west, we are relying on you to bring the babies back home safely.

Most sincerely,

Kai and Saki

P.S: Saki apologizes for drugging the food.

That's all there is to the letter." Gojyo folded the piece of paper.

"So, we have to bring them with us, huh?"

Hakkai nodded at Goku's question.

"If what the letter says is true, then we have no choice; we cannot leave them here, they have no relatives whatsoever. We have to take them back to their home."

Sanzo observed the fond looks that Hakkai and Goku sent at the children and groaned silently. Even Gojyo was starting to warm up towards the girls. Did they not know that their journey to the west was not a holiday trip? There would be more and more youkai for kami's sake. How were they going to protect the children while fighting those demons?

Sanzo felt a huge headache coming up. He was about to leave the room for some fresh air when he felt a tug on his robes.

"Nanda, gaki?"

There was no response, and Sanzo looked down. The girl who had approached him was still holding on to his robe and he was inwardly horrified to see tears in her eyes. She looked as if she was about to cry any moment soon.

As he predicted, a teardrop rolled down her rounded cheek and fell pathetically onto the carpet.

"Shit."

* * *

Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo sat on the bed, observing Sanzo and the little girl. Her older sister was still standing beside Hakkai and was also observing everything gravely.

They watched as Sanzo's look of boredom turned into one of horror when the girl started crying. Gojyo snickered. He never thought that he would see the day when Sanzo looked afraid.

The monk, blessed with the sharp ears that he had, glared at Gojyo as if everything was his fault. Gojyo masked his laughter behind a hand.

"Why would she go for Sanzo?" Goku asked Hakkai.

The brunette shrugged. He too was mystified. If his deduction was not wrong, the littlest of the twins did not seem like the type go around approaching strangers. She seemed painfully shy.

* * *

'Now what?' Sanzo wracked his mind, desperate for ideas but all his training and experience as a Sanzo had not prepared him for this. He continued watching helplessly as drops of tears flowed down the girl's cheeks in the most abjectly pitiful manner.

Sanzo had enough of that; her tears made him feel like the most wretched person on the face of Togenkyo. Thus he went to his last resort.

He looked to Hakkai for help. Luckily for Sanzo, Hakkai took pity on him and approached the girl. He bent down and eyed the child.

"Daijoubu, Ha-chan will play with you, okay?"

He tried to carry the toddler but unfortunately for Sanzo, the child evaded his attempts and threw herself at Sanzo's legs. Then she proceeded climbing up Sanzo's body as she would a tree. At last, the blonde man had no choice but to wrap his arms around the kid and damn if he did not look awkward.

Gojyo sputtered whereas Goku stared. Nobody had ever tried that with Sanzo and survived to tell the tale.

"Oi, bozou," Gojyo said at last when he got his amusement at bay. "What is it about you that attract monkeys like bees to honey?"

If looks could kill, they would be measuring the redhead for a coffin by now.

"Are you talking about me?" Goku asked suspiciously.

Sanzo closed his eyes in silent defeat. Bemoaning his fate in silence, he wondered what it was that he had done in his past life to merit such a sorry fate. Suddenly, he felt fingers poking his face. Wearily opening his eyes again, he looked into innocent eyes the exact shade of his. She had stopped crying and for that Sanzo was infinitely relieved.

"What is it now?"

Solemn violet eyes regarded exasperated ones.

"Can I call you my tou-san?" It was the first time she spoke.

Sanzo blanched but otherwise maintained his silence. The child took that for a 'yes' and hugged Sanzo enthusiastically around the neck.

Goku's eyes bugged out. He allowed her to hug him!

Just then, the other girl, not to be outdone by her sibling ran towards Sanzo too. Like her sister, she tried to shimmy up Tree Sanzo but before she could do it the monk sighed in defeat and bent down slightly to scoop up the other girl.

"Me too? Can I call you tou-san?"

Now, twin pairs of violet eyes regarded him and Sanzo was a little disturbed by the intensity of their seriousness.

He knew that he was in deep trouble. They were using the puppy-eyed look on him!

Gojyo and Goku were certain that he would not agree to it. Heck, even Hakkai was certain that he would not agree to it. They just could not see Sanzo as a loving, doting father. But Sanzo being Sanzo, he just had to do the unthinkable.

"Shit. It is not like I have a choice. Fine," Sanzo walked to the nearest bed and dropped both kids unceremoniously onto the soft surface. They bounced and giggled madly. "You may call me tou-san. That is until your real parents are found. Do you understand me?"

The two girls had apparently forgotten about their beloved 'tou-san' as they were now alternating between tickling each other and bouncing up and down on the bed.

Sanzo looked incredulously at the kids. They had not heard what he had said at all!

Gojyo snorted and Goku laughed outright. It was the first time that anyone disregarded Sanzo that completely. Hakkai sweatdropped.

"Anou Sanzo, they are just kids. I don't think they understand what you are trying to say to them."

"Yeah, that I got to agree with 'Ha-chan' here." The redhead smirked. "So you are taking responsibility now, huh, tou-san?"

Sanzo glared at them.

"If one word of this gets out of here, I will kill you. Besides, how hard can it be taking care of a pair of kids?"

* * *

Sanzo was seriously beginning to regret his earlier statement.

Despite their angelic appearance, Sanzo swore that Tsuki and Hoshi (they called each other that when they were playing and it did not take the Sanzo-ikkou long to realize that the older one was Tsuki whereas Hoshi was the more timid one) were the most demonic children he had ever met.

Once the girls had decided that they were going to be safe with the four men, they started relaxing and lowering their guards around the Sanzo-ikkou. Unfortunately, that had also meant that the girls were now familiar enough to talk and generally comment on EVERYTHING that happened around them. Their incessant chattering drove Sanzo batty within five minutes. Those two gaki could talk a person deaf.

Did they not know the saying, 'Children should be seen, not heard'? It was damned obvious to him that their parents had neglected to teach them that. The monk mentally promised himself to berate those parents about that very important gap in education when he delivered Tsuki and Hoshi's troublesome behinds back into the safe and pampering arms of their kaa-san and tou-san.

The babbling of the children in itself was actually not that bad. It was the fact that Tsuki and Hoshi had taken it upon themselves to look to their impromptu 'tou-san' for approval every time they made a statement. It was NOT cute at all, no matter what Hakkai and Goku think.

He, being the great Genjo Sanzo and all, was not about to stoop that low as to agree on everything that a couple of kids said. However, ten minutes after he had made that promise to himself he was equally ready to rescind on it. Granted, he had a will as strong as steel, but the twin gaki were equally as stubborn. They simply refused to give up.

* * *

A few hours ago…

"Now, repeat after me, 'Goku is a baka saru'."

Gojyo was gleefully teaching the youngsters on the proper etiquette to address Goku. Normally, Sanzo would have thwacked Gojyo over the head with his fan for being stupid but because of the fact that the redhead had finally taken the kids' attention off him, he decided to let the kappa live a little longer. He could at least read his newspapers in peace now...

"Who are you calling a baka saru! I am not, you ero kappa! Hey Tsuki, Hoshi, Gojyo is a gokiburi!"

"Yare yare desune...no swear words please, we have kids here."

Or maybe not...

With a muted growl, Sanzo turned his back towards the conflicting group and concentrated on shutting out all the noise.

There was a tug on his left arm.

"What are you doing, papa?" Sanzo ignored it, hoping that the child would leave if he did not reply. However, to his secret horror the other twin came too and she stood on his right. With a practiced ear, Sanzo realized that the commotion behind him was getting more and more rowdy. He did not have to look to see that Gojyo and Goku were brawling and that Hakkai were frantically trying to make them quit it.

Sanzo sighed inwardly. So much for the thought that the other three would help distract the children. They could not even handle each other. He wondered why kami landed him with all these people. He was a Sanzo, for crying out loud, not a babysitter!

"What are you doing?" Again Sanzo pretended that he did not hear and continued perusing his beloved newspaper, his only link to sanity.

"Whatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoing whatareyoudoingwhatareyoudoing!"

It did not take Sanzo long to realize what was happening. In the short space of five minutes, he discovered the twins' most dreadful weapon; The Power of Repeated Sentences. They would ask the same question over and over again until a person was either obliged to answer them or go berserk.

In Sanzo's case, he went crazy. Seeing the world through a haze of red, he whipped out his trusty paper fan and was about to test it on a new pair of skulls when pain exploded on the back of his own head.

"NO! SANZO! NOT ON THE KIDS!" was the last thing he heard before he involuntarily faded into blissful oblivion.

* * *

That memory made him frown. Just because he was about to give the pair of brats a few deserving whacks upside their annoying heads did not mean that it gave Goku the right to chuck Nyoibou on HIS head. It was not as if he was going to kill the girls or something, just give them a warning thump or two to appease his irritation...

"I don't think that fatherhood agrees with you, tou-san."

Sanzo scowled harder. It did not help that Gojyo, Goku and even Hakkai were now going about calling him by that god awful nickname. The blonde was currently lying sprawled on a bed, having just awoken from his reluctant sleep. His internal clock told him that it was night time already.

"Gomen ne, Sanzo." Goku apologized for his rash actions even when he knew that he had a good reason for reacting that way. Sanzo promptly ignored him, and Goku looked abjectly miserable.

Hakkai decided to interfere then, before it gets even more awkward.

"Gojyo is right; fatherhood doesn't agree with you and I don't think sulking looks good on you either, Sanzo."

"Go to hell."

Hakkai smiled. 'He is sulking all right, and I bet that his pride hurts more than his head now.'

The twins looked questioningly at the smiling brunette. For once, they wisely kept their silence. Sanzo's look of rage had frightened them earlier but that had not deterred them from liking their grumpy tou-san.

In a move that surprised everyone, Hoshi and Tsuki clambered onto either side of the bed that Sanzo was currently occupying and burrowed to his sides.

Innocent violet eyes peered into baleful ones.

"Is that true?" Tsuki demanded.

"Are you angry with Saru-chan?" Hoshi asked. Gojyo sputtered with suppressed laughter; at least his teachings had not been in vain. Goku came out of his depressed state to defend his name and Hakkai smiled cheerily through it all.

"You should forgive Saru-chan," Hoshi continued blithely. "Just as we forgive you, you know?"

That caught Sanzo's attention.

"What did you gaki forgive me for?"

"You were a big meanie just now, trying to make us cry." Tsuki said.

"But we forgive you. Do you know why?" Hoshi continued for her sister.

"Cos you are our papa. We love you no matter what." Tsuki filled in solemnly, hugging her side of Sanzo to her. Hoshi did the same.

Sanzo was at a loss. He did not know what to do; being hugged in a vulnerable position like that was not a common occurrence for him. More like never. At last, to the amazement of both Gojyo and Goku he gave awkward pats to the girls and gruffly told them to go to sleep. The monk did glare at Goku and Gojyo though, no doubt promising death to whoever who leaked this out to the public.

At last, the other three left Sanzo and the twins alone and retired into their own beds for the night. The lights were switched off and darkness invaded the room. That was perfectly fine with Sanzo; darkness was a good partner for serious contemplation and kami knew that he had a lot to think about.

It amazed Sanzo that the girls were so trusting and readily accepting of him despite the fact that they had just set eyes on each other barely this morning. It also irritated the heck out of him that they were so foolishly gullible; what if there was a switch in circumstances and the twins were delivered to some other people with unsavory characters? They would have met a fate worst than death. Sanzo scowled furiously just thinking of it.

'There is no escaping this,' he thought at last. 'At least, by being their mentor, I could teach them to be less naïve. And hopefully" –he wrinkled his nose in distaste – "less talkative too."

"Papa?" Sanzo started. He had thought that they were already asleep.

"Nanda?"

"What does 'fucking' means?"

_

* * *

::tsuzuku::

* * *

_

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Your reviews fuel my passion for writing. So please leave a comment if you like this fic, thank you.

--paws


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** And Babies Makes Six

**Author: **paws-bells

**Genre: **Humor/General

**Word Count:** 2765

**Type: **Multi-Chapter (InComplete)

**Rating: **T (Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes)

**Summary: **Oh no. _This_ was the reason why Sanzo wanted nothing to do with this. Can he start shooting people now?

**Disclaimer:** Saiyuki and all its characters are not mine. They belongto Kazuya Minekura.

**Chapter Last Revised on: **07/11/07

**

* * *

Chapter 3

* * *

**

"No more swearing until we send these two back home."

"Naze, Sanzo?"

Sanzo felt his eyebrow twitch at Goku's ridiculous question. It was morning and the Sanzo-ikkou were having breakfast. It was Hakkai's turn to feed the girls (the group had decided to take turns and today was Hakkai's turn).

"Baka saru. You forgot about what happened last night?" Gojyo snickered.

At that reminder, Sanzo mentally smacked his palm against his forehead. Tsuki had asked him what 'fucking' meant and Hoshi had seconded her innocent question. Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku had overheard of course, and instead of helping him ease himself out of this awkward situation, they had the gall to sit there and laugh at him.

Encouraged by the laughter, the twins decided that the meaning for that vulgarity was a definite must know and hadpestered Sanzo for an explanation. The exasperated monk flatly refused to be involved with that conversation and feigned sleep. At last they were placated by Hakkai's explanation: "It is just a meaningless word that adults like your tou-san like to use." Satisfied, they scampered back to Sanzo's bed and burrowed under his blankets, settling in snugly for the night.

"IIE! Tsuki, don't disturb other people! Sumimasen! Hoshi, that is not your food, return it immediately! Gomen nasai! Girls, return to our table immediately!"

At the distressed shout, Sanzo broke out of his musings and stared at Hakkai, who for some reason or another was standing at the opposite end of the restaurant. The twins, however, were nowhere in sight. Sanzo blinked. The normally quiet and mild-tempered man looked positively...frantic. He was madly juggling two plates of half eaten food and cutlery and chasing after the twins all at one go. At the same time, the brunette was spouting phrases of apology left and right as Hurricane Tsuki and Hoshi left chaos and bedlam trailing behind them.

At last, with a comically defeated expression on his face, Hakkai trudged back wearily to the table. Piling all the used utensils on the table in front of Sanzo, the man gave up.

"I guess this is it. If they are full enough to run around and make so much noise I suppose that they won't need anymore food." Hakkai shook his head. "Do you now that Hoshi is very particular about her food? Once it touches another different kind of food on her plate, she won't eat it. Tsuki, no doubt knowing this fact, often tries to mix up her sister's plate. I swear, they are a real handful."

Sanzo flicked a glance at the brunette.

"Where are they, by the way?"

Hakkai stiffened.

"What do you mean? They are not here?" A quick look around confirmed his question. Hakkai never felt like cursing before, but the urge to do so now was unbearable.

Gojyo laughed at that whereas Goku continued eating like nothing unusual was happening. Sanzo ignored the two and continued his visual search for the two imps. It did not take him long to locate them. As Gojyo said before, blonde hair was very rare around here.

"Oi, Gojyo. They are near the kitchen. Go and retrieve them."

"Why should I, bozou? You are the father, not me. Go get them yourself." The redhead continued eating.

Sanzo gritted his teeth in annoyance. At last, he got up and made his way to the errant children in the most reluctant fashion. The girls saw his approach and unmindful of his annoyed scowl, smiled cheerily at him.

"Go back to your seats and finish your food." After witnessing how difficult they were being earlier, Sanzo had half expected them to rebel and disobey his order. He had been fully prepared to drag them back physically. However, to his surprise and that of the rest of his group, the girls nodded obediently and skipped merrily back to Hakkai.

"Hai, papa."

Sanzo was about to stride after them when a voice halted him.

"Chotto matte. Aren't you a monk, a Sanzo, to be precise?"

"What about it?" Sanzo looked down at the stocky, plump man who had asked the question.

"You have children, and they called you 'papa'!" The man blustered.

"I am not their real father."

The man stared at the discriminating blonde hair and violet eyes that both the children and Sanzo had in common.

"Sure you aren't." He sneered at last.

Sanzo was beginning to get seriously annoyed with the man's attitude. Deciding not to let his irritation get the better of him, the monk opted to walk away. He would have succeeded too, had the rotund man not place his grubby paws on Sanzo's shoulder.

"Matte, I am not done with you yet, you fake bozou."

Considering the fact that Sanzo had the patience an inch long and a temper a mile wide, no one would fault him if he took out the shourejyu and threatened the man with bodily harm. The blonde was about to whip out the exorcism gun when the man suddenly released his hold on him, howling in pain all the while.

"Let go of my tou-san, you stupid-head!" Tsuki shrilled loudly. It did not take Sanzo long to realize that the girl had kicked the man in his shin.

"Yeah," Hoshi agreed, albeit a little more quietly than her sister. "If you do that again, we will ask Saru-chan to use his stick."

Gojyo promptly burst into laughter and it was so loud that even Sanzo could hear, despite being on the other side of the restaurant. Goku frowned. He mentally reminded himself to give the girls a talk as soon as possible about respecting Nyoibou. Hakkai smiled. Despite being a handful, the girls were very protective of their father. They had leapt out of their seats the moment they decided that the man was acting funny towards Sanzo.

"Enough, gaki. Let's go back to the table."

Hoshi nodded obediently and took hold of Sanzo's hand. Tsuki followed suit and the trio returned to their seats.

"Oi, Sanzo. It seems that you don't need us anymore. Next time the youkai comes, we just send out those two." Gojyo guffawed. "Never thought that I'd see the day when our almighty Sanzo-hoshi-sama needs to be defended by two puny little kids."

"We are not fucking puny! Is that fucking right?" Tsuki yelled.

Hakkai was about to nod in agreement when the sentences hit him. He groaned instead. Gojyo started howling with laughter whereas Goku stared at the little girl with amazed admiration. He could swear that she had perfected Sanzo's annoyed tone to such an extent that it was eerie.

All around them, there was dead silence. Everyone stared at their table. To be more accurate, everyone stared at the person who was most likely to be the one to teach the girls such uncultured words: their father.

"What?" Sanzo briefly wondered if he would become invisible if he hid himself behind his hands. At last, heaving an aggrieved sigh, he turned to his daughters.

"Oi, I don't want to hear that word coming from any of you ever again."

"But why? Ha-chan did say that 'fucking' is an alright word to use."

"Yeah, why not? Fucking sounds like duckling, and I like ducklings, they are so kawaii!"

Goku sputtered. He started laughing and leaned against the still guffawing Gojyo for support. Hakkai, on the other hand, shook his head.

"Yare yare desune..."

Had he known that the girls would file away his definition for later usage, he never would have said anything in the first place. Indeed, child-rearing was getting harder and harder by the second. Hakkai decided to let Sanzo handle the girls this time around and shrugged cheerfully when the blonde man glared at him for help.

"You might want to get rid of all the attention first." Hakkai suggested happily. Sanzo turned to face the diners-turned-audience.

"What are you looking at? There is something called privacy, and I happen to cherish mine." There was no reaction and everyone continued staring at the melodrama that was slowly unfolding before them.

Sanzo's eyebrow twitched violently and vein-pops dotted his forehead. Tsuki and Hoshi stared at them with morbid fascination. In a blink of an eye, he whipped out the shourejyu.

"Last one who looks away will find his head sporting another hole for hearing purposes." Almost immediately, everyone went back to what they were doing and made a big production of ignoring the Sanzo-ikkou. Slowly, Sanzo tucked the gun back within the folds of his robe and turned to regard the twins.

"Listen, brats." Sanzo's voice was pitched very low and all but trembled from the effort of refraining from losing his temper there and then. When Sanzo realized that his voice was abnormally hoarse, he forced himself to take a few deep breaths. It would not do for him to go mad now and start shooting people left and right. It would upset the children.

'Shit, I am actually being considerate, like a...father.'

Sanzo was horrified.

"Listen," He tried again. "The meaning for that word is not the same as…duckling. Believe me, the meaning for that word is not cute at all. So don't use it anymore."

The girls were crushed to learn that from their papa.

"Why? I like to say that word. It sounds so nice."

Hoshi nodded in agreement.

"I can say it again and again and again and never get tired of it. Listen tou-san! Fuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingfuckingducklingf uckingduckling...hmmp!" Hoshi struggled slightly as Sanzo put his hand over her mouth.

"Hoshi!" Sanzo reproached sharply. "As I said before, that is not a good word. Stop saying that anymore." The girl stilled, and Sanzo dropped his hand.

"You mean that it is a bad word?" Hoshi whispered. She looked horrified.

Thinking that his agreement would make the girls think twice before swearing again, he nodded.

"That word is only used by the most disgusting people," Sanzo could not resist adding.

"Are you sure?" Hoshi looked close to tears, and Sanzo was beginning to realize that maybe it was not a good idea to add the last part after all.

"Hahaha!" Tsuki pointed at her sister. "You are disgusting! Papa says so too!" Sanzo immediately started to refute that but it was too late. It was obvious that Tsuki's unwelcome comment was the last straw and Hoshi burst into tears.

"No Hoshi, don't listen to Tsuki, I did not mean that you are disgusting. I am just saying that you should not say that word anymore." Hoshi did not listen to Sanzo's frantic explanation; the child was well past the point of no return. Nothing that Sanzo could say now would stop her tears and so, the monk decided to deal with the other girl first.

"Tsuki, I did not recall asking for your input at all!" Sanzo lost his temper and forgot that he was dealing with a child. "How the hell could you twist my words out of proportion like that, you horrid child?"

"Are you scolding me?" Tsuki sniffled. Her big, puppy-like, violet eyes looked slightly damp.

Sanzo's temper disappeared immediately.

"Iie," he said uneasily. Hoshi was still wailing noisily in the background.

A fat drop of liquid rolled over in the most pitiful fashion.

'Bloody hell. I am in deep shit now. Now BOTH of them are crying.'

"Yes you are." Turning to everyone, Tsuki announced in the most heartbreaking fashion. "Papa is mad at Tsuki."

Immediately, the group of spectators whom Sanzo had successfully chased away earlier turned as one to look at him reproachfully. Everyone murmured in agreement that Sanzo should not have made the kids cry.

Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo watched as their resident monk made a big mess out of placating the girls. Goku and Gojyo snickered whereas Hakkai considered helping the poor man out. That decision was taken away from Hakkai when Sanzo got himself out of the fix. He threw his credit card at Hakkai and commanded for the brunette to take care of everything.

For the first time in his life, Sanzo turned tail and fled.

* * *

"I can't take this anymore!" Gojyo roared at last. "When are they going to stop crying?"

Goku had his hands on his ears and strangely enough, he looked as if he was going to start crying anytime soon, too.

"Daijoubu, I think that they should be stopping soon, ne, Sanzo?"

Said man did not respond, but merely feigned sleep. Behind them, the wailing got louder. Hakkai sweatdropped.

"You say that all the time, and it hasn't happened yet!" the annoyed redhead accused.

Hakkai felt his smile falter.

It had been an hour since the restaurant incident and the girls had not stopped crying. It had also been an hour since the Sanzo-ikkou continued on their journey and the twins who were sitting behind with Gojyo and Goku, had practically driven the two nuts. At first, Hakkai had tried to call out encouraging and soothing words to placate the girls but to no avail. It seemed that their crying got even louder, if possible, at Hakkai's sympathetic words. The brunette stopped soon after he felt two pairs of murderous glares directed at the back of his head. Sanzo, on the other hand, totally refused to acknowledge the existence of the girls. He acted as if nothing unusual was happening and continued sleeping.

"Oi, gaki. I am begging you, okay?" Gojyo's expression was pained. "Please stop crying now."

Immediately, twin pairs of wet violet eyes regarded the redhead.

'Don'tmeltdon'tmeltdon'tmeltdon'tmeltdon'tmeltdon'tmelt...'

He softened, despite his own warning.

'Kami, I am getting all soft and mushy.' He thought with disgust.

"Look," He said. "Stop crying now. What happened earlier was not your fault. It was your ignorant papa who had no idea how to handle you two. Why you chose that corrupted bozou to be your father is something that I will never fathom. You should have..."

::THWACK::

"Chosen someone like you?" Sanzo growled.

Hakkai smiled.

"Glad to see that you are taking up parental responsibilities again, Sanzo."

"Shut up and drive."

"Hai hai."

Gojyo fingered his head. The girls had crowded themselves over to Goku and the trio was staring at Gojyo.

"Daijoubu ka?" Hoshi, (or the one Gojyo assumed was Hoshi) asked. He always had trouble identifying who was who but Sanzo, damn his perfect hide, never seemed to have that particular problem.

'At least they have stopped crying now,' The redhead thought, grudgingly pleased.

He then sprang to his feet and waved his fists at the blonde man.

"Oi, bozou, what gives you that right to hit me for no reason! You just gave me a fu..."

::THWACK::THWACK::

Gojyo fell over and a tribe of chibi Gojyos danced around the man's head.

Goku winced and the girls giggled.

Gojyo recovered quickly and glared at the monk.

"What was that for, blondie?"

"You were about to swear," came the short answer.

Gojyo muttered under his breath, but did not refute Sanzo.

"As for you two." The twins shrunk against Goku when Sanzo turned his stern attention on them. "The next time you cry again, I making Hakkai stop Hakuryuu and the two of you can walk, is that clear?"

The girls nodded solemnly.

"Are you still mad at us, papa?" Hoshi ventured, sucking her thumb.

Sanzo gathered himself and looked down at the girls in the most imperious way.

"I do not lose my temper at children." He flicked a glance at Hoshi. "And take your thumb out of your mouth."

Goku snorted at that while Gojyo rolled his eyes. Sanzo decided to ignore them. He turned and settled back down on his seat.

"Papa?"

Sanzo sighed. So much for a little peace and quiet.

"Nanda?" He drawled in a bored fashion in an attempt to discourage the girls.

Hoshi clambered to the front and settled herself comfortably on Sanzo's lap. The monk was too surprised to do anything but watch as the little slip of a girl used him as a bed. She snuggled contentedly against his chest and buried her head under the Maten Kyomen to escape the sun.

Sanzo was flabbergasted. The Maten Kyomen was a holy relic, not a goddamn umbrella!

Sanzo felt himself turning redder and redder as he tried to suppress his annoyance. His actions had not gone unnoticed. Gojyo snickered.

"Oi, tou-san, you do not lose your temper at children, right?"

The paper fan flew across the jeep. ::THWACK::

"More nonsense from you and I will personally make sure that you shut up permanently."

"..."

Tsuki, who was behind with the boys, giggled.

"Daijoubu ka, Go-chan?"

Gojyo grunted, then suddenly...

"GO-CHAN?!"

_

* * *

::tsuzuku::

* * *

_

----------

Your reviews fuel my passion for writing. So please leave a comment if you like this fic, thank you.

--paws


End file.
